One of my best Christmas presents was 'I think the nurses are stealing my clothes' - a compilation of Linda Smith's funniest moments. Here are just a few of my favourites...
On John Prescott:
I suspect language isn't his first language
On Tony Blair:
I don't want to give him the oxygen of publicity. I'm not too keen on him having the oxygen of oxygen.
On weapons of mass destruction:
I feel sorry for the government really. Looking for these weapons of mass destruction. I'm like that with scissors. They're always in the last place you look. (Pause) Of course, the difference is, I know I have got some scissors.
On Erith:
It's not so much a city that never sleeps as a town that lies awake all night, looking at the ceiling.
It's not twinned with anywhere, but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham.
There is nobody even near her level of wit at the current time.
28/12/06 @ 19:10